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17 November 2014
by Ross Jones

Punching with your eyes shut

Australia’s likely dual citizen prime minister is leading Australia down a path of destruction and ruin, and we all should hope the Liberals have a plan B.

IT IS TIME, ladies and gentlemen, to resist. We have a traitorous government hell-bent on destroying us. This is not a drill.

Australia’s car making industry is closing down. Worse, we can no longer refine fuel. We need to import it.

Australia has only a few weeks supply of diesel. Our sea lanes’ security is so important we are going to buy Japanese submarines, which might be okay if they are WRX STIs, but not so if they are 120Ys.

Should the sea lanes be cut, we are stuffed. No diesel, no trucks, no food. Anarchy, breakdown.

If the images of a Soviet battlefleet hanging off the coast did not send shivers up your spine then you have not been paying attention.

Vladimir Putin is without doubt the most powerful man in the world, Obama and Warren Buffett pale into a Banksy background. The guy runs a fascist state armed to the teeth and ready to go.

We’ve helped the English out in a few wars before but, to paraphrase Noel Pearson and Monty Python, what have the English ever done for us?

So when Englishmen Abbott and Cameron decide to re-live the glory days of Balaclava, you can bet your bottom dollar there’s nothing in it for Australians.

China, in all its long history, has ‒ arguably ‒ never invaded another state. At least by force. It has a weird idea of cultural hegemony and shoots dissidents and resisters, but it’s never sallied forth with an imperial fleet and invaded, let’s say, Japan.

We are already subsumed in China, part of its sphere. Touch any object within reach, odds are it was made in China. Look at your socks.

So, our foreign policy under Harpers Bazaar chick of the year, Julie Bishop, is to prod Putin with sticks and cold-shoulder China in favour of Japan, a country simmering with militarism under Abe.

As the Italians say, Via Figure.

In his days fighting for Oxford, Abbott knew how to hit but had no idea how to finesse. There are shots of him throwing punches with his eyes shut.

Andy McClintock wrote about Abbott’s boxing style in The Guardian last year:

But as an Oxford boxing Blue, Abbott was an entirely different kind of fighter. "He was crude, with very little technique," said Nicholas Stafford-Deitsch, Abbott's sparring partner.

Stafford-Deitsch claimed that Abbott wasn't a huge puncher, but his knockout ratio suggests otherwise. A bigger area of concern is his footwork. In the above photo you can see that Abbott has switched out of the southpaw stance and is leading with his left foot while throwing a right hand, which goes against a boxer's most basic training. Don't even get me started on the position of his left hand, which should be up at his jaw "holding the phone".

This is not the description of a man you’d follow into a fight. This is the description of a man who would make entertaining ringside viewing, but not, by any stretch, a contender.